I love really messy things…messy people, messed-up people, messy conversations, messy recipes, even messy hair. When it comes to my work there is an aspect that is very neat and orderly…I organize nice little wellness plans (step 1, step 2, etc… very orderly indeed), I send out fancy questionnaires that generate impressive graphs, and give out typed-up respectably-fonted little recipes.
But, what really jazzes me is to get to the grit of the mess in people’s lives.
I love to look and find that part of you that is all folded up and cries to live again. And this gets messy.
I’ve found that one thing that continually leads to our messed up eating habits is that so many of us are often trying to eat the things we think we “should” be eating.
“I should eat more broccoli this week.”
“I should stop eating sugar.”
“I should start making a lot of home made meals.”
Nope…it doesn’t work.
I don’t ever want to tell you to eat something simply because you “should” eat good food. How boring! And oh, how that never, ever lasts very long.
Even beyond food choices, I bet a lot of your whole life has been one big resounding should. It is such a heavy feeling, isn’t it? Well…let’s consider doing this “should” thing no more. Wouldn’t that be a relief? No more you “should” do “this” in order to get, do, or be whatever.
Does this sound familiar…
I should exercise ….so I can be thin.
I should eat well…..so I can lose weight.
I should be kind….so others will like me.
I should hold back my sexuality…..so that I won’t be slutty and disrespected.
I should have sex when I don’t want to….so that my partner will be pleased and I will be doing my duties.
I should help those needy folks out….so that I will be morally good.
I should squish down my anger….so there will be peace in our home.
I should….and on and on these words echo in the vast canyon of your soul.
I want you to take your “should” and X it out of your vocabulary and mentality,
Where does this leave you? You have been following the way of your god “Should”. Now he is gone and you have nothing left but to look at your own desires, your own wants….your own brilliance.
This what I want you to try…flipping the should:
You tell yourself that you should be nice and smile pretty (but inside you feel crappy). Instead, try scowling …..because that sticky sweet smile that says you should be nice isn’t needed anymore.
You tell yourself you should eat better (but inside your body is crying out for that pumpkin latte and chocolate brownie). Instead, try eating sugar with pleasure…..because you claimed your pure desire for its sweetness. No more guilt drenching each bite that tells you you shouldn’t be eating it because it is “bad”.
You tell your (exhausted) self after a full day of work that you should clean up the house. Instead, try laying on the floor with pleasure…because you aren’t listening to the mental pull that tries to get you of your behind b/c you are “supposed” to be active and productive. Claim your bold desire to not get off the floor and revel in how good it feels to laz-i-fy your butt.
Now…do I ultimately want you to lay on the floor every day eating sugar with a scowl on your face?
What I do want is for you to get super solid in noticing and FEELING your desires without them being all muddled up with the layers of moral messaging and internal motherly scolding.
And this is why…because once you are laser focused on your desire (for sugar, sleep, non-movement, no sex, more sex, 5 cups of coffee, whatever) then you can clearly see the deeply rooted desire and need of your body that is trying so hard to be met through that craving, that weary place on the floor, those fake niceties.
You can hear the pure soul desires for energy, for rest, for connection, for love. Saying yes to your desires no matter how wrong or right they may seem is opening the door to the depths of your how your soul wants to heard.
Try listening today.
Can you resonate? I’d love to hear your thoughts on your challenges or successes in how you’ve tuned into your desires and practiced taking the “shoulds” out of your life. Please share below.