Dear Extra Weight...I Hate You! I Love You!
"I hate this extra weight I’ve put on and want it gone! I want to feel slim and youthful….I want to feel sexy and alive. Help!"
I hear this many times with the women I work with.
I know what it is like to slide those favorite pair of jeans on easily over your knees and then when you get to your hips..uh-oh…tight, tight…so you wiggle and pull from side to side…you get them over your hips and now…tugging each side you try and clasp that button. You almost got it. Suck in, bend over a bit…there! You got those jeans on…your favorite jeans that seem to be getting tinier and tinier each week.
Ugh! Body changes. You hate them!
So, the battle begins. First comes talking down on yourself saying how fat you’ve become, how ugly you look now, how you should exercise more and eat better, how really unattractive you’ve become, how awful it is that you let yourself go…and ultimately how ugly and unlovable you must be to others.
Forget your partner finding you attractive (even though he says you are still beautiful), because you know that with all those hot 20-somethings around you that you really can't compare, right?
Then, in one of these self-talking cycles you decide to finally engage in actions that will freakin’ change your body. You are going to rock this one out and not let it get the better of you. So you plan a run, a workout at the gym, eat some more salads and say no to your favorite cookies. You are exhausted at the end of your hard-working day but the disgust at your expanding physique motivates you to overcome the fatigue and you go...go…go girl! You are engaged in full battle to get rid of that extra squish, to stop feeling frumped and slouchy. Hate it..fight it! Overcome it! You can do it, you tell yourself! This time is different! You eat less, you try harder and harder! You fight yourself more to overcome yourself. Move! Go! Rock on it!
And then….you crash.
You get hungry and you gorge on your favorite ice cream. You miss the day at the gym. You get and talk down on yourself again…only this time you have more guilt about not following through, your lack of self-control, and what the heck is wrong with you that you can’t even follow-through? Ewww….
Sound familiar? I totally get this. Why? Because this is not only you, it is me. Grounded in a profession that excels in messages and promptings of health and beauty I constantly feel the pressure for a fine physique and the push to be stronger, more muscular, slimmer, tighter – everywhere on me.
Now, dear friend, let’s look at those jeans again.
You slide them up…over the knees...there, right there…when you get to your hips…stop!
Intervene on behalf of yourself and invoke the warrior women you are to radiate deep love, compassion, and grace. Challenge the messages (lies) that you should be smaller, slimmer, and that extra weight is evil and your enemy. Yes, I know you deep down want the weight gone. Acknowledge this and still let love rise bigger and broader than the negative talk.
Bring in new ways to look at your expanded hips and waist (and any other part of you):
Your body is doing it is very best to love you and take care of you each and every day. All the hard work you are doing, the effort to do your job, love your family, and pay the bills…your body is carrying you through each moment so that you can do all you are doing. Your legs help you walk into each moment, your eyes let you take in all the beauty and harshness of this world, your heart lets you feel and respond to all that you encounter.
Your extra weight is a gift. Yes. Any shift in your body is a way that the divine is whispering to you. Listen…tune in. Stop the battle.
With a fuller body – you are a fuller, grounded, sensual, voluptuous womanly presence in this world.
Your extra weight might be your potential creative energy that is waiting to be expressed in this world. Somewhere along the way you may have gotten off track with having to take care of so many other things and your true expression in this world is stifled. To dig deeper…what was happening when the weight came on?
Your extra weight might be the beautiful protector. This world can be hard and harsh. With not enough love and laughter in your life, you move through your days with a need to deeply shelter your soul….your body carries more weight to buffer you from the world that feels unwelcoming to you each day.
The extra weight can be a refuge – Someone may have violated your body (now or in the past). Your body responds with love (even years after the event) to shelter you from the unwelcome touch and presence of the wounding hands.
A fuller body can come with being a point person in your field. You lead, you envision transformation in your workplace and the world. Many follow you. The weight grounds you and helps you move forward with the responsibility of all those that follow you.
Your extra weight may be hidden/forgetton sexuality. You’ve been alone or in a deadened partnership. You are meant to be a sexually active, vibrant, sensual women. Living without this expression, the flow of sexual energy is dormant and congested within. The body yearns for this sensuality to flow.
Your extra weight may be absolutely perfect and healthy for your body! Deconstruct the social programming that beauty and health only lie in slim, sleek women.
Your body is ALWAYS functioning in your best interest. It is always doing the best to keep you alive, to help you live each moment optimally.
When you feel your body is not at its best, sluggish, heavier, down-regulated, and breaking apart know that your body is not against you.
Please do not fight against your body.
Your body is your best friend and each and every symptom or body expression is to be listened to with deep, warm welcoming….and deep, deep love.
These body expressions are showing you the way to fullness, healing, and well-being. Tune in and welcome the Divine whisper.
What are you hearing?